My name is Caroline and these are my innerdance diaries. Through this blog, I shall explore my unfolding innerdance process and inquire into the phenomena that is innerdance in the hope that I can make sense and meaning of this beautiful consciousness. I am completely aware of how little I know and I am excited to be right at the very beginning of my journey. I am 44 years old. I have died many deaths through innerdance and my most transformational innerdance re birthday was on 16/7/23. This feels like where I need to start. There were 13 inner dancers with me when this happened and I have shared my experience with a few people since then
but this is the first time I am putting these vibrations out into the wider sphere.
16/7/23, 7am ish during an innerdance in Turkuu, Finland.
I am lying on my back, a painful tug at my umbilical cord/navel. I am with a knowing that I am dying. I am dying and I am all alone, no-one has touched me yet and here I am, dying. A song about joy comes on and I think, can I feel joy and die? I immediately know that I can. In this moment, as my heart opens, two hands cup my head and ears and two hands at my feet. I feel pure love and consciousness wave softly through me, plumping me up, weaving through me, I am a sponge of pure joy. Hands stay generously long enough until they need to let me do this next bit myself. My left hand moves up to the sun god. My feet stamp in worship and then my legs curl up to belly like a baby. I am in a cosmological birth canal and I am birthed onto the floor. Music stops, everyone leaves. I lie there in awe and wonderment. No impulse or ability to move. Mouth and eyes eventually initiate a hip rocking until I finally sprawl onto belly. Exhausted. Head goes to floor and I sleep. Then impulse arises, I push into my arms like baby cobra, stay there for a minute then down I go, exhausted, baby needs sleep. I rise again to my knees and crawl to door. I wobble and fall into my side. My first rebirth word is a giggle and “shit” 👶🏻. I sleep. I see shoes. I hear darling friends so I find a way to crawl to them. They take me home. I can’t speak. Who needs words. I fall asleep on the floor outside my room. I have awareness of others walking past, loving me by the space they give me. A hot hand touches my spine & I begin to feel the bone body reforming, I am leaving the liquid, gooey boneless body, becoming more form. No rush, all the time in the world, movement comes back and I can shower. I seek lituli who has the most phenomenal love and hugs. I am nourished, so restored. I am a hungry baby, drinking in the heart energy & unconditional love flowing from her...Later on, we have cake and someone suggests that it is my birthday cake. It is 16/7/2023 = 7/7/7 and Pi remember that pi is the 16th letter in the Greek alphabet. It is our last day and we say our thank yous and farewells as we re-enter the ordinary world. I can sense that my nervous system is wiped clear, my muscles are floppy, as are my forming bones, there are no stories within me anymore, no blueprints to fall back into. As I travel and go about my days, I notice that babies start to stare at me, I imagine that they recognise me as one of them. On the flight home, I am invited into the cockpit before takeoff and. I get to sit in the captain’s seat. On the return flight, a baby grabs my arm and hums during take off…
I am now back home. I am not who I was and this is my time and space to discover who I really am