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dying to dream

the year-long inner intensive training is underway and the global network of neural pathways is pulsing with electricity, activating potentiation. The collective is consciously dreaming together and I imagine we are cultivating biomorphic resonance where the learning and research of one facilitator on another side of the world is cellularly informing those located in other continents and vice versa. The exchange of information is bi-directional both in our waking inquiries and within the dreamscape. I picture us as the wood wide web, each a tree in the global forest with our extensive, intelligent root system and mycorrhizal network buzzing with information steeped in kinship.

Since the first global call where a central conversation explored death and rebirth as indistinguishable and how in innerdance, we facilitate and support collapse of the old patterns and pathways, I have been dreaming of death. Every night since the 4th January, I have either died or seen someone die. It is so striking that before I switch my light off, I muse how I might die tonight. So far the deaths have ranged from me poisoning someone, faking my death to escape from someone and then being bitten by a snake, falling from a balcony, I was a cyborg being shot in the chest - it does hurt, I have been hunted down and shot by a hitman, an air stewardess was sucked out of the door of a plane, a man gored his own stomach with a screwdriver,,, the list is infinite and the manner of deaths range from mundane to highly creative.

I wonder if I am experiencing all of my fears and being freed from them through the death process? As part of my research, I am now reading a book on phobias and manias (fascinating) and I am surprised to discover that I probably have them all (to varying degrees) which would make sense as we are all connected. Everything is within me. Some I consciously know of and others, I notice how I am somatically responding to them as I absorb each chapter and I acknowledge with interest how there is another fear I didn't know I had. I realise there is a blue print of fear within me, some of which are dormant and I am excited to discover how I face them in my dreams.

The most striking death dream so far was also lucid. I am part of a special ops team comprised of 4 members. The male operative is tasked with killing one of the females in the team. She is sitting down and I am standing behind her. I realise that she is me. He has to break her neck. I whisper to her (me) 'if you soften in trust, it won't hurt'. She (me) relaxes and looks up at the man and she says " I love you'. He looks slightly thrown off centre by her declaration of love before snapping back into mission mode. He puts his hands on her neck and breaks it. He then looks at me and says 'she only said that to manipulate me and stop me from killing her'. My response is "no, she definitely told me that she loves you months ago and I wrote it in my diary'. We spend the remainder of the dream looking through files, trying to find my diary entry. I wake up feeling peaceful.

On Friday night, I held space for an in-person innerdance where at least 50% of the group experienced death and rebirth. That night, as I began to dream, I noticed two women sitting and talking at a Parisien café. I walk past them and then in the crowd, I see the same two women walking towards me. In my lucidity I realise this is a déjà-vu moment and there is a glitch in time. I am seeing them in different times simultaneously. I then think, 'oh the matrix is also within the dreamscape too' and immediately, I am swarmed by thousands of people, distracting me from my stream of consciousness and I have to face what is immediately in front of me to survive.

I wake up awakened. I had never considered before that there are programs within the dreamscape which we are to wake up to and work through. I had made an assumption that the matrix existed only in the waking day. This shift in my understanding opens up the dreamscape for me as I now recognise my own duty to stay lucid when I dream, to face each death and fear as a test I can pass through, reclaiming freedom with each REM. Essentially, instead of freezing, fleeing or contracting in fear, I can look death in the eye with love and trust in my heart.

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